It's not goodbye, it's see you later

First I must start with a non-apology. In my last post I apologized for my lack of posting. Now I realize I can't and won't do that again, because it creates a black hole for me to slip into and my next post is never speedy. So, my non-apology is this...don't expect a timely post from my little fingers until I am employed as a stay-at-home mom, it is winter and I have a closet with a light in it. (More on the closet thing in the future and no we are not remodeling. In a nut shell...my 1 DEMAND for any future abodes...a light in my closet. Really is that too much to ask.) Now of the less than 10 people who read this...several are stay at home moms and are laughing until they pee a little that I intend to post MORE once I am a mom. I know..."I have no idea, just wait little grasshopper, talk to me when you have one" Yada yada yada. Don't pee in my cheerios people...it's just a dream. Oh and before I get any further...No, I am not prego. Believe me when that happens, you won't have to read it in a blog or guess if that is what I am saying...it'll be written in the sky with a sky writer plane. So, there...my non-apology...deal with it.

On to the reason for this post...Tis the Season. Not Christmas, but oh how I wish it were...I love Christmas, the lights, the harmonized music, the excessive baking, shiny wrapping paper...sorry...I have shiny ball syndrome which causes me to get off track a smidge. It is April which means, showers, flowers, sunshine, blue skies, and Golf Season. I am a fan of all but the last little gem. While the golf season does pay my bills, it also makes me a "golf widow" 7 months out of the year. So on Easter Sunday I journeyed to the hubby's place of work and said my goodbyes. While I was there we took a ride and he did a little practicing, so I took some photos so I could recognize him in the fall when he enters my house in the daylight and I don't try to pummel him because I assume he is a burglar...with a key...blonde hair and piercing baby blues.

After the last picture I said..."oh I got a good picture of your back swing."

"Let me see" he replied.

Looking at the phone a little smile spreads across his face and as he is putting is club away...

"That's follow through...not my back swing."

So much to learn. Not really losing sleep over it.

Until November my love...we will only pass in the night. Maybe I'm a little dramatic...no, no I am not!

oops

Well, again, I have totally slacked in the blogging department...my bad. Since I last blogged the following things have occurred:
1. Continued chaos at work = The rest of December.

2. January at work = normally a slowing and regathering period. January 2010 = not so much on the slowing and regathering...basically continued insanity.

3. Due to #2 (see above)...I have been on the hunt for an assistant to yes, you guessed it...assist. Both myself and other co-workers who are currently buried in the remains of December and are in dire need for air.

4. The parents hit a milestone in January...60 years of wonder...individually, not together, not yet anyway...which they will do, I am sure. Anywho...my nut ball sister and I, both fueled by the other, decided months back to throw a Surprise Dinner Party for their big days. (Their birthdays are just a day apart.) This was a stroke of genius in November. However in January when things didn't so much slow down as anticipated, I was cursing myself and my loving sister. But, we pulled through...had an amazing night...tears...laughs...shocked faces...good food...great wine. All in all a fantastic night. Once we get photos back I will do a post on just that. At least that is my intent at this time.

5. We flew on a Private plane...3 times! Sounds glorious right? My husbands grandfather became ill and we needed to go see him. However, they live 13 hours away in Way West Texas and there is no easy way to get there. Not having a week to take off work to drive...nor the pocket book for the $1500 last minute flights...we were saved by the generous and kind hearts of the people of Texas. Being from Kansas and never having lived in Texas, I don't quite get the whole "Texas is the GREATEST place EVER" thing that I continually hear. Don't get me wrong...it is great, and I do love it...just not gonna tattoo it on myself or anything. However after the experiences I had this month...I am beginning to learn. But as I was saying, a family friend offered to fly us and my husband's cousins from Dallas to their tiny town. And for this I will be ever thankful to this kind soul. My husband was able to have no regrets, see his grandfather prior to his passing & be a support to his dad during this most difficult time. Truly amazing.

6. Welcomed a new niece into our family. Little Gracie graced the world with her presence a few weeks early and is all sorts of fantastic. Little Gracie and her sister Faith live in Way West Texas too and we were able to see them, love on them and soak them up during our time visiting Grandpa. What an experience to hold a new born, full of hope and life and wonder while saying our good byes to an amazing man who lived a life of laughter, faith, family, love and complete honor.

So that's what I've been doing for the past 2 months. And now my friends...I am off. TO MEXICO! WAHOO. It is currently 27 degrees out my window and it is 80 in Mexico. So the hubby and I along with some fantabulous friends...will be hitting the beach, soaking up as much sun & fruity umbrella drinks as possible and gearing up for the next 2 months...whatever that may bring. Happy Tuesday!

I need to plant a tree

Dear Trees of the World,

I hope that you will accept my deepest apologies for the harm I have caused your kind. My job forces me to print a sheet for every event we hold at our facility and make 9 copies of said sheet. December is a specifically brutal month for my position and thus your kind suffers in the process. I apologize for my actions and in an attempt to right my wrongs, I will be planting a tree in your honor.

Most Sincerely Yours,

A sorrowful tree harmer

This is proof of my transgressions...this is just Dec. 1- Dec. 11 and just one copy...I did this 9 times. I am so ashamed.

Suicide Knives & Black Tie Domino's

For those of you who are not aware, I am an "event planner". No, I am not J Lo in The Wedding Planner, nor am I one of those crazy planners from TV, like on Bridezillas, etc. Granted, I have my moments of insanity, but for the most part (depending on who you ask) I am not a crazy person. I plan all private events for a dinner club downtown and we have 3 floors with 15 private rooms. So we do anything from business meetings for 4 to weddings for 300 to caterings for 500. December is my time of utter lunacy. From about November 15th (beginning of finalizing plans) to December 24th (last party) some may compare me to a chihuahua (little spastic trying to be in 400 places at once) or a switch board operator as that is what I am doing 90% of the time...answering calls, returning calls, having meetings, emails, texts, faxes, sky writing. Sometimes I wish advancements in technology would cease, cause if these people have one more way to get in touch with me, I may need to find the cave Jesus rose from and rent it for a spell.
December is lots of Starbucks, head down push through, sleep, work, smile, "Happy Holidays" (never Merry Christmas, learned that one the hard way), mac & cheese at midnight...fun times people!

So Friday we had probably our busiest day and it consisted of the following:

6 lunch events (nothing huge)

3 dinner events totalling 200 people at the club

1 catering for 450 at The Tulsa Public Library, a seated 3 course dinner at the library.

Now, let me explain to you that no, the library does not have a kitchen. So we create a make shift kitchen BETWEEN ROWS OF BOOKS. No lie. We are dishing up 450 appetizers, entrees and desserts in between "Curious George" and "Pride & Prejudice". It is quite a feet...but we do it every year. So at 9am we begin to transport all that is needed. Place settings (china, silver, glasses, coffee cups, etc.), kitchen set up, bar set up, wine, liquor, ice, sugar, salt & pepper, everything. The library is located roughly 3 blocks from our building, so many items we load on carts and push through downtown. Cobble stone streets...caused this:

Yep, that's us on 7th Street, picking up the 250 knives that attempted suicide at 9:15am, I assume they were boycotting this catering as we wish we could. In the process of picking up, I gracefully kicked, like a soccer ball, a 32 oz. cup of coffee and it landed on the bottom 1/4 of my pants...pretty. So once the hemorrhaging ceased we headed on to our duties of transforming the Library from this:

To this:

Not too shabby. The evening went off with no fires, lack of food, passed out drunk people or injuries, so in my book, that is a success. The only time I had to restrain myself from punching someone in the neck involved a server, who was on rent from a local staffing firm. With the insanity of the season, we will "rent" people for the evening to have warm bodies. This event begins at 7pm and is pretty much balls to the wall until 10pm when the guests leave. So I inform staff that there are no breaks, smoking or otherwise from 6:00pm until 10pm...because I am not responsible for the pain inflicted if someone asks me in the midst of dishing up steak & lobster for 450 between the Dewey decimal system, if they can have a 10 minute break to attempt to catch lung cancer. No you moron you can not!

So for the safety of those working with us, we give them 20 minutes before our pre-shift meeting to go smoke or do whatever they must. Of course the place cleared out like someone just yelled in a crowd of teenage girls that Robert Pattinson was outside. At this point a "rented" server approaches and following was our conversation:

Rented "Do you have the number for Domino's?"

Me "I'm sorry?"

Rented "Pizza, do you have the number for Domino's?"

Me "For what?"

Rented "I'm hungry and they deliver"

Me "So you want Domino's to deliver pizza to a black tie formal dinner at the Tulsa Public Library?"

Rented "Yeah, I'm hungry"

Me...being restrained by my banquet supervisor as my eyes glaze over and I turn green..."NO...YOU CAN NOT HAVE DOMINO'S DELIVER YOU PIZZA!"

I am happy to report that no one was harmed, thanks in part to my banquet supervisor...he saved that girl's life. And on we continue...22 more days. I love my job!

Random Thoughts

The husband and myself went to a movie this evening and I left with a few notes of interest. Well, first I must say that we saw "The Blind Side". Great movie...great story...you should all go see it...well, all 2.5 people that will read this. (The .5 is my sister's dogs who are probably laying at her feet while she reads).

Anyway, the reason we are all gather today...Points of interest:

1. When did a "small" coke at the movies become the size of a small sea?

2. When did a "small" wild cherry slushy at the movies become the size of a slushy small sea?
These are SMALLS people...small, medium, large...tiny, average, huge....none, some, lots. (Granted, the price does in no way reflect the small status, but follow me here) Now it is like Huge, Hugger, Huggest. I think that movies and The Biggest Loser must have some silent pact that non of us "civilians" know about to keep each other in business. Think about it.

3. People with small children should not take them to a non-G rated movie at 8pm on a Saturday. And if you do completely lose your ever loving mind and decide that a 7-year old at a movie at 8pm on a Saturday is a good idea (which it isn't)...may I suggest that you please NOT sit in different rows and then 1 hour through the non-G rated movie, send the 7-year old to find his mother (seated next to me) some rows back. The 7-year will proceed to "whisper" mom....mom.....mom. Guess what kid, probably 75% of the females in that theatre were moms (non-silent whisper). Bad move parents of the year...bad move!

4. Tim McGraw should get hair implants...he looks good without the cowboy hat...but with hair.

5. After seeing this movie, I felt the need to go adopt someone. To which my husband rolled his eyes and said, "Not every adoption will end up with an NFL star." Toatlly missed the point and I still want to adopt someone.

And thus concludes Random Thoughts by Jack Handy
(Saturday Night Live, circa when it was still funny)

Tomorrow I tackle Christmas decorations and the blue bird.

Sugar Masterpieces...or not.

I live in the lovely town of Tulsa and for years we have loved being here. However there has always been one thing I don't think I will ever understand. The Tulsa STATE Fair. Most towns, even little bitty ones, have a fair. However Tulsa has chosen to induct itself the 51st State apparently as our fair is the Tulsa STATE Fair. Not the Oklahoma State Fair, that is in Oklahoma City. I could discuss the awkwardness of this name for some time, but that is not what I am here for this evening. So, the Tulsa State Fair will hence forth be know as The Tulsa Faux-State Fair...cause it is stupid and Tulsa is not a state.

One of the attractions, if you will, at this faux-state fair is the Oklahoma Sugar Art Show. For anyone out there who enjoys The Food Network as I do...you may have stumbled across a Food Network Challenge a time or two. My personal favorite are the cake challenges where competitors have 8 hours to make a figment of their imagination come to life through cake. One of the regular judges is Kerri Vincent. A lovely, no crap taking lady from the British way. She, come to find out, started this Sugar Art Show at The Tulsa faux-state Fair and it has become one of the largest shows of it's kind in the US of A. So my friend and I decided to venture down to the faux-State fair and have ourselves a gander.

There is a theme and this year it was something regarding Sand & Sea or Beach & Sun or Sea & Mermaids. Just think NOT Oklahoma...Florida, Hawaii, beachy, oceanie...you get it. There are various levels from novice to professional.

Our first example is of what TO do. This contestant went the nautical ocean route...beautiful!

The next correct cake follows in the sea sailing way of life with a journey around the world and a very cool world at that.

One more pretty one and then it's on with the real reason for this post...the not so pretty ones. :) This one was not following the theme and I don't know why, but don't really care cause it is crazy cool. It was 4 sided and was hand painted...talented people make me sick...but I like to look at their work!

And now ladies and gentlemen...for your viewing pleasure, I have a few "interesting" cake designs for us to discuss.

Round 1. Mermaids. Pretty ones. Ones whose behinds are disturbingly disproportionate and kinda remind me of weeble wobbles. And playboy mermaids that are just plain disturbing. The following photo may be unacceptable for younger audiences...view discretion is advised.

As an event planner, I do about 30-35 wedding receptions a year. I have seen boring cakes, cakes that are growing warts, bleeding cakes, melting cakes, cupcake cakes and others I wish not to mention. So when we came across the following cake in the wedding tiered cake division I was impressed. Until I looked at the lower portion. To which my friend says..."are those poops on a wedding cake?" I think they are pine cones, but even so...is that much better than poops?

Our next little gem was registered under the Novelty Cakes category. Here's the thing with this cake...execution is actually impressive. My issue...why is there a weenie dog & a shoe, a high heel shoe, on a cake. Am I missing the connection here people? As I was standing in front of the display trying my hardest to figure out what was the meaning of this cake...I hear..."Go...move...that dog staring at me and freaking me out." Oh dear friend...you crack me up. But alas, she was right...time to move on.

The friend who joined me on this field trip is who introduced me to blogs and blogging and for her I owe my first born. She lead me to http://www.cakewrecks.com/

It is here that I discovered the Naked Mohawk-Baby Carrot Jockeys. What is a Naked Mohawk-Baby Carrot Jockey you ask...see for yourself...have a laugh.

http://cakewrecks.blogspot.com/2008/06/naked-mohawk-baby-carrot-jockeys.html

My sister & my friends...let this be a request...when that day finally comes that I get to have a baby and a baby shower is planned...Please refrain from the naked Mohawk baby carrot jockey cake...please.

Now that you are familiar with this tasty bit of blogging history...I introduce you to the Semi-Naked Mohawk Middle-Aged Baby Carrot Jockey Cake.

Only at the Tulsa Faux-State Fair people. I love it!

And now I will conclude this post with 2 dedications.

1. To our dear friend Dubbs. She spent the last year+ on Laungiland. Her favorite retreat was a beach with a light house. On our visit last November Dubbs took us there and I must say...most peaceful place I've ever been. So during our field trip to the Tulsa Faux-State Fair, Dubbs...we found you wedding cake. Now...we need a groom!

2. To my niece who LOVES the move it move it show, a.k.a. Madagascar I & II. I know this guy is from the second movie...but don't know his name...but Ella, this is for you.

So until next week...signing off from The Tulsa Faux-State Fair!

Happiness Is...

When I was of a younger age, I had this book called Happiness is a Warm Puppy. It was a faux book if you will as it was a 4" square and only 10-15 pages. The story was about Snoopy and how no matter what crapiness was going on (pretty sure they didn't use crapiness in a children's book, but whatever) a warm puppy makes it all better. Truer words have never been spoken!

This is my warm puppy, Ruby:

The eyes just kill me...so does the breath!

Anyway, yesterday I couldn't get myself to concentrate and focus at work to save my life. For 8 hours I kept busy and did nothing. I went home last night, made dinner & ate it with my Husband (which is an accomplishment considering we are still in season...yeah golf), played with my warm puppy, started the cleaning process on the house, took in the premier of Grey's Anatomy. With the jock jams soundtrack playing in my head this morning...I was determined that today was going to be a better, more productive day. Off I go...out the door early which means:

Happiness in the form of a Starbucks, non-fat peppermint mocha! Wahoo! (I once saw a former co-worker/boss/volunteer man at Starbucks. He is 75-85 depending on who you ask. He kindly offered to buy my drink and if you knew him you would understand there is no point in protesting as he WILL get his way...just save yourself the time and say thank you. He ordered his black coffee and I ordered the above drink. He slowly turned to me and said "Are you getting coffee or dessert?" Ouch. What better way then to start you day with dessert? Really.)

Anyway, back to the day at hand. As I am waiting for my chocolate happiness in a cup, I look out the window and see this:

A smile burst across my face just as my name was called for my Chocolatey goodness. So you see boys and girls...always listen to Snoopy...cause happiness is a warm puppy...and a warm cup of chocolatey goodness. So here's to hoping today is more productive than the day previous. Happy Friday and a warm puppy to all!